The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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