So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
