don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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