I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
