You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
