well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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