He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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