I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
