Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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