Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
