You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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