I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
