i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
