U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
