Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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