I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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