Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
