Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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