Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
