I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
