i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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