i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He shit in the fireplace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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