he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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