90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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