Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Randomize
