Banned from zoo.
Again?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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