Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we're making bets on your personal life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
