he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
