checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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