i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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