im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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