I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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