So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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