is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
