I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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