I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are a genius and a whore.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
