youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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