Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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