Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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