So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
