So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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