I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
