if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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