I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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