omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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