a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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