You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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