Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just tell him i said nine months
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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