I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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