I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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