if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
