I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
